Sunday, June 16, 2013

The Cyclist


There are moments in life that abruptly, albeit, cruelly, stop us in our tracks and remind us once again how incredibly precious life is. Last night was one such moment for my son, Stephen, and me. We were on our way to dinner and a movie. While on route we witnessed a cyclist who had been hit by a car, thrown across the street into another car, only to land crumbled up on the sidewalk. My entire body froze as we saw this young cyclist lying lifeless, face down on the street, bloodied and mangled. A crowd of well meaning folks immediately ran to his rescue and called 911. I parked my car ahead, grabbed my sons arm and began to weep for the young man. I started whispering, in an almost mantra fashion, “Please God, let him live. Please let him pull through this. God, please let him be alright.” The police and rescue vehicles descended on the scene and we were motioned to vacate the area.

Where do you go when you’ve just witnessed such a horrific event? I was nauseated and shaken inside. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I couldn’t get the picture of him lying so deeply wounded on the side of the street out of my head. Would he make it? Did he make it? How bad were his injuries? I checked the internet repeatedly for any updates on his status, but nothing was posted. Then, when I awoke this morning I read an article that said “Pasadena Cyclist Struck and Killed”. I wept silently for him. A man I did not know, but who had impacted my life dramatically in the past 24 hours?

Who was this man? The paper said he was in his 30’s and was out cycling with another friend. Did he have a girlfriend or wife? Was he a father with a young family who’ve now been left fatherless? Did he have a dad who awoke to Father’s Day with the pain of having lost his son? Did he have a mother whose heart is now shattered to pieces at the loss of her child? Who were his friends and what pain they must be feeling at this unexpected, tragic loss? Who was he? He awoke yesterday morning and set out on his day, not knowing it would be his final.

Unless one is completely void of feeling and perspective, it would behoove you, after witnessing such an event to not take a moment and be ever so thankful for the very breath you’re breathing. It’s in moments like this that we are once again reminded of how incredibly precious life is. Tomorrow is never promised to us.  The end of today is not promised either. The petty issues that seemed so grand yesterday become no longer relevant now. I found myself going through my day with a profound sense of thankfulness. I desired a sense of peace in my current relationships, no matter how fractured they were. I wanted to hug my family members a little tighter and longer today. I prayed for God’s continued love and absolute protection over my son and that he grants him a wonderfully long life.

I do not know the name of this gentleman whose life I saw ebb from him last night. Until then, our paths never crossed, yet crossed they did. Sometimes in death, a person can have a deeper impact on their fellowman. Clearly is such the case. As haunted and grieved as I feel by witnessing his death, I feel a sense of tribute to him as well. I know I’ll never drive down Del Mar Boulevard again without being reminded of how fleeting life is and to make every day, every moment count. We get so caught up on the day to day rut and responsibilities of our lives that we sometimes fail to realize that each day is a gift. I know I’ll awaken tomorrow and not want to take anything for granted. I’ll be more aware of my actions and how they may affect others. I’ll have a heart of deeper gratitude. I’ll start acting on the dreams and goals I’ve kept on the shelf far too long. I’ll have a renewed desire to live every day; I’m privileged to have as if it were the last.

My heart and prayers go out to this young man and his family. A man and family I’ve never met and most likely never will. I thank him for the invaluable life lesson he brought to me in the time of his passing. May God’s peace and love comfort his family and friends and may they too, like me, be moved to live a better life.

27 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:46 AM

    I did not know Phillip O'Neill, but My husband is his godfather. He held him the day he was born 25 years ago. He was on a first-date with a gal. His family lives in Hollywood. He has an older brother and a younger sister. I was told he was brilliant. He went to school back east and recently got his masters in Biomedical Engineering. What a tragedy. Thank you for your very kind story.

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  2. Thank you so much for your kind reply. Thank you for connecting. Please pass along my heartfelt sympathy to his family. It's amazing how people become connected through life experiences. Hugs to you and Phillips family.

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  3. Anonymous1:51 PM

    I was Phil's roommate during college, we were cyclist buddies. We both had some hard times while becoming young adults and he really helped me come out of a depression this spring. He was one of those friends who calls every few weeks just to check up, even when you live on opposite sides of the country, even when you didn't do a good job of calling back. We were playing phone tag a few weeks before this happened. I'm not sure that I did a good enough job of letting him know that he was one of my best friends. I guess one of many take home messages is, don't hesitate to make that call.

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  4. Anonymous7:30 PM

    I meet Phil last year at our job. He was more than a coworker, he was a truly friend. It was a pleasure to talk with such a brilliant person. He was someone you can enjoy spending time talking and sharing, and in those moments you can see what a good heart he was, and how smart and educated he was. Two weeks ago we both quit our jobs in the same company and cross cell phone numbers to stay in touch. I must say that it's hard to believe that no one will answer the phone number he wrote in the post-it he gave me. These are the moments that you think what a wake up call is to enjoy every second of you life instead of worry about what you don't have or things are not done as you would like to.
    Lori, if you would like to know a bit more of him and see what he was able to achieve in his young 25 years, please go to LinkedIn and search for "Phillip O'Neill Science & Policy Advisor". His picture is the one where he's wearing his blue and yellow graduation gown. You will see how much he achieved in his life. I'm happy that he lived it as better as he could, optimistic and full of projects. I'm sure his personality touched a lot of hearts and that will show up in his memorial.

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  5. I have been so moved by the friends of Phillip O'Neill who have shared with me some insight on who he was. Thank you for doing so. I'm beyond touched. Please, please give my condolences to his family. Does anyoen know when and where his memorial will be?

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    1. Anonymous8:39 AM

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  7. Anonymous8:46 PM

    Can I have an email or number to reach you at? I am Phillip's brother. I would love to get in touch.

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  8. Anonymous9:04 PM

    I was not Phillip's god father, but I did hold him on the day he was born and I considered him a member of my family, as I do his brother and sister. And Phillip was brilliant. And Phillip was loved by his entire family, extended family and many, many friends. And he will be missed by all of us. If you would like to contact the family, and I know his brother would like to speak with you,I will pass along your information. zenflyrca@aol.com

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  9. Anonymous2:18 AM

    I'm Elizabeth and he was my big brother and what you wrote, as much as I fought with myself whether to read this or not, I was truly touched by how beautifully you spoke of him without every having met him because honestly everything you said and how profound a feeling you received is exactly phillip, a very peaceful man.

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  10. You know when you meet someone who is weird in the same way that you're weird and for a moment you feel like someone gets you and you're not alone in the world? Philip was the first person I ever felt that way about. Phillip just saw the world in a very different way than other people did. He was deeply curious and had an insatiable yearning to understand the world we live in. He and I had an immediate connection. We both loved to laugh and make others laugh. Phillip was great at that. It's no wonder I had a crush on him for 3 years. He was a wonderful human being and I am in awe of all the good he has done in such a short life. As much as I am sorry you had to meet him under such terrible circumstances I am also grateful that he was able to touch you in a profound way. He has done that to all of us here. Thank you for posting and I am honored to hear your story and personal experience you had.

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  11. Phillip was very special. A few years ago he was teaching at a science summer camp and my son was one of his students. He came up to me the second day of camp and told me, "Your son is very special. He has an interest in life that will take him to wonderful places." The two became friends. A six-year-old and a 22-year-old. He'd write my son postcards from his travels around the world, just checking up on how his school work was doing. One night he came over for dinner with a box glow-in-the dark stars and planets and carefully placed them in my son's room and his brother and sister's room. Every night when the kid's go to bed they still see Phillip's universe glowing around them. And now we look beyond them and remember a very special young man, who is looking down at us -- making sure everyone is ok. You will be missed, Phillip.

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  12. John Spezzano7:51 AM

    Phillip was a wonderful young man who will be sorely missed. He was my martial arts student and our entire school feels this loss heavily.

    Every class Phillip was in was bound to be a wonderful experience for his training partner. He was just that positive, great energy person who puts a smile on your face even when you resist.

    I had the pleasure of training Phillip for about 2 years on and off given his work travels overseas. We kept in touch while he was in France last year via some memorable Skype sessions and I was proud to have him as my student.

    Phillip was a joy to have in class and at the school. Luckily he made such an amazing, positive and humorous impact on people we have been left with wonderful memories to get us through this current time.

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  13. Anonymous8:43 AM

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  14. Anonymous8:43 AM

    Is the memorial open for everyone or it's just private for family members only? What's the exact address and hour of service?

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  15. Anonymous10:34 AM

    Phillip's memorial is at 2:00 p.m. today, June 21, at Mt Sinai,off Forest Lawn Drive.

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  16. Anonymous2:49 PM

    My heart goes out to Phillip's family. Great talented man gone at such a young age. I wish for better bike protection for everyone.

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  17. Anonymous2:59 PM

    We live down the street from Phillip's mom. We don't know the family, just enough to say hi and wave. But we are devastated to hear this news. One specific recollection I have: a couple months ago, there was a windstorm which knocked down big palm fronds all along our street. This is a regular occurrence, and it creates a big mess in the street and on the sidewalks. After the most recent one, I remember watching an O'Neill (I think it was Phillip, but could have been his brother, I guess) collect and clear the fronds for the whole damn block. This was a seriously time-consuming task, and was done without any apparent desire for acknowledgment or reward. I was just impressed by the guy's energy and generosity. My wife, kids & I are heartbroken to hear about his death. Our love and prayers and thoughts go out to his mom and siblings. :(
    -Kit Troyer

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  18. Anonymous2:23 AM

    Hey everyone, Phillip was a member of the 5 star martial arts family, and as a way to support him and his family, the school is hosting a charity Muay Thai workshop, all the proceeds will be going to the O’neill family. The workshop will be hosted at 5 star martial arts, 4201 wilshire blvd suite 105, los Angeles Ca 90010 (323) 933 1708. The event will start Monday and Tuesday June 24th 25th from 6:30-8:30, we would love to see you all there.

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  19. I also worked with Phil at the science summer camp. Even though we only worked together for a week, he made a significant impact on my life. After not being in touch for a year and a half, we got back in touch at camp training this year. It was a joy to see and talk to him again. He was such a positive, uplifting person to be around. I am sending my thoughts and peace to his family.

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  20. kathleen4:33 PM

    I am Phillip's aunt, and I was there in the early days when we had no idea of what happened. You gave us a gift with your words, it helped connect us to the event. Your words and thoughts were beautiful, thank you for sharing them. I hope you and your son are finding peace with what you were a part of. Bless you.

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  21. Anonymous9:56 PM

    What a heart-wrenchingly touching perspective. A lot of people are taking a lot of comfort from your words.

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  22. Elizabeth6:35 PM

    Hi Lori Ann this is Elizabeth again (Phillips sister) I was wondering if there was a way to personally email you to ask you some questions regarding details of what you witnessed that day? My family and I would really appreciate it. Also if there is anyone else who witnessed anything pertaining to the accident of my brother to please email jnrosen@polsonelli.com.

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  23. Hi LoriAnn, I realize this post is a year old, but I am grateful for your words.

    I wanted to let you know that the Pasadena Complete Streets Coalition is organizing a walk/ride to commemorate of the one year anniversary of Phillip's death. Please join us if you feel so led - event details are posted at http://www.pas-csc.org/

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  24. Anonymous9:37 AM

    I was so moved by this post I posted it on my refrigerator. My family spends a great deal of time rushing up and down the streets in this area, and to think that all could be silenced in one second.
    Now, when someone at our home gets a little compulsive about an issue, we remind each other that there really are no big deals in life by speaking six words, "Would Philip think this is important?"
    There has yet to be an instance where the response was "yes".
    May we all be instruments of peace today and in all ways.

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  25. It's crazy to think that this was just 7 years ago.

    I randomly came across a ghost bike placed on Del Mar one night while exploring Pasadena on a solo ride the other week. At the time i did not know who's memorial it was for. I snapped some photos of the memorial, the helmet with the plants growing out of it and all. I'd like to think Phil wanted me to stop and hang for a moment. Thank you for posting this!

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    1. Snowman.la ~ Are you the person who left a folder with questions dated 6/25/20 on the ghost bike? If so, thank you for taking the time and effort to ask. Answers are in the folder now, and I'm making a laminated sign to go with the bike.

      If you're posting here, you've already learned much of what you wanted to know, but I'll add that the Pasadena Dept. of Transportation and Police Dept. collect some data -- but the data tends to be incomplete, if collected at all, especially if it's a bike-related incident. The Pasadena Complete Streets Coalition works actively with DOT and PD to request data as part of our advocacy for safer streets and sustainable transportation choices; please get in touch (info@pasadenaCSC.org or @pasadenacsc) to talk more.

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